Mental health, money and me: ADHD

World Mental Health Day's on the horizon, and this topic has sizable real estate in my heart. Which is deeply ironic because I can't afford real estate, seeing as I live in London, where a flat the size of my heart would cost six figures.

Mental health has had a huge impact on my life. It's affected my relationship with the world, myself, and other people. But I didn't know it would affect my finances too.

Before I got diagnosed, and started to love this perfectly imperfect head of mine, I was ashamed of my nonexistent relationship with my finances, which was more of a situationship because there was zero commitment, I had no idea what was happening, and my dinner wasn't free.

I couldn’t look at my account balance, I couldn’t even think about admin, and I couldn’t stop spending. The more overwhelming it all got, the more I spent trying to feel better. Newsflash: it didn’t work. Weird.

It was a cycle I never thought I’d get out of. But I did.

ADHD is a legally recognised disability I've now learned to see and use like the superpower it is, and I wouldn't change how my brain works for anything in the world. That being said, it's important to look at the whole picture. There are endless silver linings, but there are clouds too.

I’m writing a series with the help of two colleagues at Wise, who’ve been brave and fabulous enough to share their struggles with mental health and money.

While labels have helped me, everyone's experience with mental health is different. ADHD is a spectrum; the symptoms aren't one-size-fits-all.

So, this is my story, and if it helps one person feel less alone and more self-compassionate, I'll consider it a job well done.

I'll get into:

• How ADHD affects me
• The symptoms and the benefits
• How it affected my finances
• The tools I use now

ADHD and me 👭

ADHD can present itself differently in men and women from a young age, so many women only get diagnosed later in life. Boys often show signs of ADHD through more commonly known symptoms, like hyperactivity, whereas girls display signs of anxiety. So, I was told I was dramatic and overly sensitive for a long time (not wrong, but still).

My symptoms worsened with age, and when walking into a Psychiatric appointment for anxiety and depression, I walked out with an ADHD diagnosis too. Variety's the spice of life, after all.

But there's more to ADHD than finding out you have "potential" on a report card.

Silly me, I meant benefits, not symptoms 💅

I don't adore the word "symptoms." It suggests being sick to me. And there are serious benefits, too, and honestly, I've never paused mid-stomach virus thinking, "Wow, this is great."

But I don't have a better word for it, so we're going with symptoms.

The pros 😊

We're known to be…

Fabulous in a crisis, able to see clarity in chaos, resilient, courageous, spontaneous, optimistic, full of energy, hyper-focused on our passions, solution-oriented, innovative, creative, fast learners, adventurous, and studies have found people with ADHD have a heightened intuitiveness and emotional intelligence.

Join me on a tour of the ADHD Hall of Fame

1. Simone Biles

2. Albert Einstein

3. Michael Jordan

4. Bill Gates

5. Emma Watson - AKA HERMIONE GRANGER

The list goes on, but I’m done showing off now.

Case closed. Mic drop. Thank you. Goodnight.

The uh-ohs 😬

We see the term ADHD everywhere now. The increased dialogue is amazing, but the danger of entering buzzword territory lies in misinformation.

Some stereotypes ring true. Yes, I fidget all of the time. And yes, I find it impossible to focus on something I don't enjoy, like watching Fast and Furious or telling 15 people at a family party that I'm not married and don't want to be set up. But no, it doesn't stop there.

A symptom I've struggled immensely with is difficulty regulating emotions. Me, aged ten, can back this up: "Every day I wake up and think it'll be the best day of my life, but it never is", a diary entry I believe I wrote after finding out my sister ate a Curly Wurly I'd been saving.

It’s easy to laugh, but it’s always felt like I was born missing a layer of skin. Which makes sense considering…

• People with ADHD produce less of the neurotransmitter dopamine. So, one in four of us have depression.

• Over two-thirds of us have other conditions: addiction issues, eating disorders, OCD, and autism, to name a few.

• I forget a lot. If I don’t have multiple daily alarms on my phone, I won’t remember to text you back, or leave the house on time.

• Women with ADHD in, particular, myself included, are known to take too much on. I always bite off more than I can chew socially and professionally, then chew it all anyway. Because of hyperfocus, I can’t stop until I’ve got everything done.

• 67% of people report having insomnia or other sleeping issues. I’m constantly tired but with my high adrenaline and an endless stream of thoughts, I frequently struggle to sleep.

• I get easily overstimulated and overwhelmed. Loud noises, bright lights, and difficulty doing something as small as picking an outfit under time pressure can set off anxiety attacks.

• I'm talkative, and my verbal filter is a bottomless pit. I also find it hard not to interrupt people and blurt things out, sometimes leaving people thinking I'm not interested when I really am.

• I struggle verbalising myself too, and when overwhelmed can freeze, go word-blind and develop a stutter.

• Hyperactivity, racing thoughts, finding it hard to focus on boring stuff, procrastination with said boring stuff, and getting obsessed over something and then suddenly being bored of it—shoutout to my ex.

• Pre-diagnosis, my feelings were unexplainable and life unmanageable, so I blamed myself, resulting in low self-worth. Thankfully, that aspect of my ADHD is a thing of the past.

I've now been medicated and have weekly therapy. It's taken a lot of work, but my life has transformed. Medication is only a tiny piece of a complicated puzzle, though. It hasn't magiced anything away; it's just made some more manageable.

ADHD and finances 💸

Difficulty managing finances is listed as a side effect of ADHD. We are significantly more likey to end up in debt, and according to ADHD UK, people who fall under the ADHD umbrella and are in financial distress have a threefold increase in the risk of suicide.

Understanding why I deal with money the way I do is easier when I separate it into two categories: searching for dopamine I don’t have & how my other symptoms contribute.

Searching for dopamine I don’t have

The Hallowell ADHD Centers, Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, spoke to the New York Times about reward deficiency syndrome. Essentially, my inability to produce normal levels of dopamine means I don’t take pleasure from ordinary, everyday activities.

So, people with ADHD can go to greater, potentially self-destructive lengths, such as overspending. And the issue with this isn't just the results of going to these lengths but that it becomes addictive. The feeling that followed my addictive spending was guilt and shame. So, my lows got lower, and my need for the highs got higher.

Sasha Hamdani, MD also explains how engaging in activities like budgeting or thinking ahead doesn't trigger the dopamine neurotransmitter, which makes it very difficult to keep up, let alone begin financial planning.

How my other symptoms contributed

Our symptoms make us more likely to get into debt, forget to pay bills, impulsively spend, find it hard to save money or stick to a budget, and suffer further anxiety and depression as a result. There's a term for it… ADHD tax. AKA the price we pay when our symptoms and finances collide.

Everything adds up. “Between treatment, common side effects like overspending or mismanagement, medications, and more, the cost averages over a billion dollars collectively each year,” and that’s just in the US.

I get trapped in an emotion and a moment very easily, forgetting about everything else, so looking to the future let alone my financial future felt too daunting to touch, and impulse buying and temporary, impulsive, immediate “fixes” took over.

Whenever I felt low, my solution was to "treat myself," which apparently isn't a treat if you do it every day. Impulse buying meant if I walked into a store for milk, I'd end up getting all of aisle three and if I tried to budget... Guess what? The impulse fairy doth rise again.

I stalled on large payments like bills and wondered if I could even afford them, so I got overwhelmed and sometimes forgot about them entirely. The consequences continued to add up, and every tap of my card reminded me of my situation. Eventually, I got into serious debt that I'm still paying off today.

All the individual ingredients added up to make a very unpalatable recipe for disaster.

I'm still paying my debt off today and struggle with my ADHD daily. Nevertheless, I now have a few financial tricks up my sleeve of the dress I shouldn't have bought.

The tools I used 🛠️

• I educated myself on how ADHD affects myself and others financially. Seeing other people go through the same stuff and work through it gave me hope and took away the shame.

• I went hard on podcasts, videos and articles written by other neurodiverse women.

• I found a way to make numbers digestible and less disgusting with the help of a money management tool and an offensively colourful spreadsheet.

• Sought out help. Because ADHD is a recognised disability, there are foundations and organisations out there that offer financial advice.

• Never go into a shop without a list, and do a weekly online grocery shop with a “favourites” list so I don’t over order or get anxious about finding time to shop and cook.

• I have an alarm on my phone at the same time every day to remind me to add up what I spent so I stay within budget. Oh, and I set up a budget using my spreadsheet.

• I have one card for bills and another for everything else.

• I got rid of post that I never open and signed up for online bills with email and text notifications.

• I sold a lot of what I overspent on and put it into savings. RIP to all the clothes I’ve loved and lost.

• I cancelled those “free trial” subscriptions that turned out to no longer be free.

• I set up direct debits.

• I asked friends for advice.

• I celebrated the little wins. Sure, putting money into a savings account may be normal for many people. But every time I do it, I feel like I’ve entered goddess territory.

• I stopped beating myself up and started showing myself the love I deserved.

There's a lot I do personally, too—Flexi hours, sticking to a routine, hobby hoarding, meditation, to-do lists galore. But what changed my life the most was other people. Everything feels smaller when you aren't alone.

That’s it. I think. Who knows. Probs forgot.

Podcasts, links, books, artiles galore:

Books

Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder, Gabor Maté
The Drummer and the Great Mountain - A Guidebook to Transforming Adult ADD/ADHD, Michael Joseph Ferguson

Podcasts

Is It My ADHD?
The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast

Links

The ADHD foundation
ADH UK
ADHD Embrace

PS. while sharing our struggles and journies is incredibly helpful, Wise isn't an authority on Mental Health.