There are two types of people in this world. Those who struggle to pick a main course on a Menu and panic order. And those who read the Menu and go full...
If you’re a resident of the U.K then you’ll know that a big chunk of the country has been knee deep in Love island for the past few weeks. Love it or hate it, you know about it. I personally love it, I stand by that opinion and if you judge me for it, well, I judge myself too.
Like all beautiful things, Love Island has expanded its neon bikini, fake tan, and awkward beanbag chats across the world. Hitting up 21 countries to be precise. Some of the seasons stuck and some countries gave it a watch, shook their heads, repented their sins and decided “absolutely not”, taking it off air. Thus, saving their public from what can only be described as a guilt-ridden addiction and the abandonment of all evening social plans.
If for some reason you haven’t heard of the show (who even are you?) here’s everything you need to know:
- It’s on 6 nights a week.
- Everyone is Barbie and Ken levels of gorgeous.
- The obnoxiously hot people “couple up”, cheat on each other, then get back together.
- If you’re over the age of 28 it will make you feel old.
- Your brain cells will slowly disintegrate, episode by episode, but your dopamine levels will go through the roof.
- At the end of each series, the winning couple that didn’t get booted out will have the choice to either split the prize money or one of them can take it all for themselves.
- Pretty much every couple that stays together breaks up a couple of months later.
It varies from country to country, but in Old Blighty, the Love Island contestants leave the show, acquire millions of pounds, and become massive on social media. In fact, a study came out showing that it was harder to get on the show than to get into Oxford University…
Why did I bother with Uni?
Anyway, it’s time to be honest…
Despite the name, nobody actually goes on this show actually looking for love. It’s all about a holiday, the fame and the prize money. So if by some miracle, you get Love Island over the world's best uni education, here’s a breakdown of the cash money you could pop in the bank in some of the Love Island villas across the globe.
P.s, if you’re not a citizen of one of these countries, just move there. No big deal. Don’t speak the language? Not to worry, here’s my guide to global flirting.
The winnings vary across the world, some countries keep it the same but others offer more or less. What does this mean? It means you can get strategic. Move somewhere with the highest prize, bag the cash, transfer it to a different currency. Genius.
Sorry Love Island franchise. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
If you haven’t been to Australia and don’t know much about the culture but want to apply, not to worry, just watch every episode of Bondi Beach and Neighbours and you’re good to go.
What's the reward if you make it to the end?
$50,000 (£28,773.25, which is half the price of the UK winnings on a good exchange rate day…)
The Franco-Canadian version will get you a hefty sum of 100,000 Canadian dollars (£64,746.5) should you impress the nation enough with your fabulous flirting. Oh and don’t worry, it doesn’t take place in cold Canada. Season 1 was filmed in Greece.
This series has a mahoosive prize of €75,000 (£62,735.72), making it one of the largest winnings in the franchise, next to the US. How do you say “come to mama” in Czech?
If you’re wondering what the German title means, it’s “hot flirting and true love.” No pressure.
Us Germans are pretty direct people, so expect chats that don’t beat around the bush, being hit on in a language that isn’t notorious for its romance and a cash prize of €50,000. Wunderbar.
The Dutch-Flemish version hit screens in 2019 for the first time. If you’re looking for a cutie with some height, the Dutch happen to be the tallest people in the world. But while the contestants are high, the prize money is low, at only €25,000 (£20,911.12).
P.s no shade to shorter people, I personally like not having to stand on my tippy toes for a smooch. TMI? Sorry Wise.
There have been four seasons of Love Island Poland so far, and the most recent one welcomed 32 gorgeous gals and guys over a period of 40 days. So yes, if you make it through, you’re getting a fabulous trip, all expenses paid, somewhere sunny and lovely. But, the prize money is one of the lowest at zł 100,000 (£17,883.50).
You’ll be taking home €50,000 if you hit up España’s pocket of the franchise. And, as promised earlier, I’m here to help you flirt abroad.
Pick up line numero uno:
“Hola, soy un ladrón, y estoy aquí para robar tu corazó” - “Hello I’m a thief and I’m here to steal your heart".
I’ve got butterflies already.
The Swedish show is hosted by a lovely lady called Malin Stenback, and, with Swedes being notoriously beautiful, you can guarantee you’ll be saying Mamma Mia a fair few times.
Get it? It’s an ABBA joke. Score.
If you’re wondering about the Money, Money, Money it's kr500,000 (£40,337.95). Look,I did it again. Lol.
This is the only series I’ve watched for now, and I do not have the words to do it justice. Every year I promise myself I won’t get invested in it again, and every year I’m back at home telling my friends I’m too busy and important for them for 8 weeks, when in reality I’ve got my slippers on, a tea brewing, an ITV on full volume.
My antisocialness aside, the British series - AKA the OG - has a take home prize of £50,000. Which, in my opinion, is worth the public humiliation on TV. I’m not saying that the contestants humiliate themselves by the way, I’m just saying that I would.
And finally, we have the U S of A. And all I have to say is god bless $100,000 (£81.8979). The largest of all the winnings.
The good news: I have an American passport
The bad news: I highly doubt I’ll be winning money on an American reality TV show anytime soon,let alone getting on to one. Sigh 🥲
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