The 12 days of Christmas - a Wise version

Insert awful Christmas joke...Well ho ho how do you do? Immediately regret it. My name’s Anna and I work as a Content Marketing Manager here at Wise. Thanks for clicking on my article, I’m touched. When reading through this ode to Christmas carol’s, please take it with a pinch of salt. All views, giggles and niggles come from me, not Wise. If this intro hasn’t scared you off, happy reading!

Ah Christmas, a holiday that many of us look forward to every year, then January 1st hits and things get real tragic until Spring. But nevermind that. Let’s focus on what makes the holiday beautiful; consuming an entire sharing box of Celebrations in one sitting, fairy lights literally everywhere and, of course, watching people do regretful things at the office Xmas doo. What a season.

Modern life aside, sometimes it’s nice to reflect on more traditional elements of Christmas, like the carols. We all know the classic “The 12 days of Christmas.” So I’ve decided to pay homage to it with a Wise twist while simultaneously helping you with some gift giving inspiration. Here’s how to purchase the 12 days of Christmas for a loved one.

These figures are based on my UK findings, but for our oversea friends out there, or people living abroad looking to make a transfer, I’ve also calculated how much it’ll cost you in Euros and Dollars.

Bonus tip: Run out of wrapping paper? Aluminium foil. You’re welcome.

🎁 Unwrap your money’s potential 🎁

A partridge in a pear tree 🍐

There are roughly 90,000 to 25,000 partridges in the UK, and you, my friend, can get your hands on one of them and pop it in a pear. Who wouldn’t love to get that for Xmas? Me. I wouldn’t want to get that for Xmas.

Anyway you can purchase a pear tree online for around £21.65 and an alive partridge will cost you £20.00 from the local classifieds or some farms. If a live partridge is too much hassle for you, pop to the butcher and get one for £4.25. Bit darker, but still an option. A butcher’s partridge in a pear tree will take you too £41.65 and a real life partridge perched in a tree will take you too £25.09.

Alive:

Euros

€47.57

Dollars

$46.37

Not so alive:

Euros

€28.66

Dollars

$27.94

Two Turtle Doves 🕊️

As It turns out, Turtle Doves are actually listed as a threatened species, so we’re not going to be gifting any real ones this Christmas. What I can offer you, is two handmade Turtle Dove ornaments that look like the ones from Home Alone 2coming in at £19.81.

Euros

€22.63

Dollars

$22.06

Three French hens 🐔

As gorgeous as fresh eggs are in the morning, nobody really wants a bunch of hens parading around their living room. So in an effort to not lose the recipient of this gift forever, give them some chocolate hens instead. Nom nom nom. Family run business ‘Wickedly Welsh Chocolates” mixes them up for £14.99.

Euros

€17.12

Dollars

$16.69

Four calling birds 📱

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BIRDS IN THIS SONG? When did anyone say they wanted a bird for Christmas? People don’t even really like turkey (the meat, not the country, we love the country. Long live Turkey).

Rant over. The term calling birds comes from the old word “colly” which references being black as coal. So we can now assume that calling birds are Blackbirds.

You have a few options here in the gifting process. Yes, yes you could buy a real blackbird but you could also get this snazzy poster of a bird on the phone for £45. Go on…dare to be different.

Euros

€51.39

Dollars

$50.12

Five gold rings 💅

Finally, we get to a gift I’d actually want to receive. Five beautiful gold rings, which should make up for the roasted partridge you’ve popped in a pear tree. Prices obviously vary on this so I’ve gone for an average cost of £379 for one ring, which would mean you’ll be spending £1895 on five. Check you out moneybags.

Euros

€2,163.95

Dollars

$2,110.69

Six geese a-laying 🍳

I’m not even entertaining this bird business anymore. Buy laying geese on pet adoption sites for roughly £180 for four.

Euros

€205.58

Dollars

$200.37

Seven swans a-swimming 🦢

Enough.

Get your seven swans for £5600.

Euros

€6,394.79

Dollars

$6,237.39

Eight maids a-milking 🥛

Funnily enough you can’t actually purchase a milkmaid. But what you can do is buy eight authentic, renaissance milkmaid dresses on etsy for a total of £2503.44. Step two, convince eight of your friends to wear them and present them to your loved one mid-milk.

Euros

€2,858.75

Dollars

$2,788.38

Nine ladies dancing 💃

Again, you could find nine very doting friends to do a little dance, or maybe pop on Moulin Rouge. Both are far more affordable than what I'm about to suggest.

More pricey suggestion: hire a group of can-can dancers for around £395.

Euros

€451.06

Dollars

$439.96

Ten lords a-leaping 🦘

This one’s simple really. Just buy ten plots of land for £30 in Scotland for ten of your friends. They can then legally take on the title of Lord and jump around a little bit. Totally worth the £300 if you ask me.

Euros

€342.63

Dollars

$333.95

Eleven pipers piping ❓

If you too played the recorder at school as a child, which consisted of squeaking out ‘hot cross buns’ on repeat, then you’ll know that it’s imperative you hire people who can actually play a wind instrument. You can find a band of pipers for around £720. Worth every penny, trust me.

Euros

€822.30

Dollars

$801.48

Twelve drummers drumming 🥁

And at last, we’ve come to the end of our song. So let’s go out with a bang. Surprise your loved one by purchasing 12 speakers for roughly £1548. Place the speakers outside of their house and whack on some hardcore drumb and base. They’ll be sure to love this*. No questions asked.

*Wise will not be held responsible for break ups or arguments.

Euros

€1,767.95

Dollars

$1,723.18